Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Mother's love is the greatest. Really?



Mother's love is irreplaceable, forever and unconditional. I agree. Which kind of love can be replaced? The love gotten from every loving person is unique. For example. Fathers love. Doesn't it comply to all the three words above? Ofcourse, there are exceptions in both cases.



All forms of love whatever form they may assume, require, or at any rate, expect, some equivalent or less for it in return in the shape of affection, happiness, or pleasure. Is mother an exception? In some cases yes, and in some cases no. Chastise me as a bad mother if you want, I really don't know how I would have reacted if my child had not showed its love, affection back. I expected that. Do I become selfish? Yes.

The way a mother loves a child and the way a father loves a child is completely different. The logic beats me when they are compared. It is something like saying air is superior to light in nature. Both are different, but essential forces of nature. Can any of one of them be replaced?
When someone says "Mother's love is great". I agree. Greatest? I don't. For the simple reason that it cannot be compared. Neither does any other form of love merit comparisons.

To compare, one must analyze. Do we really know the depth of the person's love? We just analyze the way we perceive. Some people express themselves very well and others don't. Does this innate quality of being an introvert make one a bad lover?


Mother has an advantage of sharing a natural bond during gestation. Then delivering in the most painful way known to the world. None of us can ever think of the intensity, the depth or the expanse of the love the soul has.
Some fathers cannot even relate themselves to the child as soon as it is born. It is not natural for them like mothers, it grows on them. They become a different person altogether. And then the saga begins. For others, it begins as soon as he knows he will be a father. But, the important point here is "The Saga Begins". A father loves his child, puts the child first amongst priorities sans the natural/physical bond. Remains an unsung hero.


When I was a small kid, people asked me if I liked my mother more or father. Without second thought, I would answer "Amma!". Appa was a strict disciplinarian. He spoke very little. When he spoke, it would be very brief, to the point and direct. Such conversations often made me feel he is emotionless. 

Slowly, as I grew up, all those "little talkings" had a big impact in my life. Infact, they were huge turning points in my life. Then, I started understanding the creature called father. One day, I was married, I had to leave home, I realized I would miss him as much as my mother. After Bunni, I witnessed the birth of a father, I remained amazed by the transformation a man has to undergo to father a child. I loved my father even more. 

To hail the greatness of one thing, we should not degrade the other. More importantly, lets not compare apples and oranges.


72 comments:

  1. well, I personally feel that father's love n affection is something which never got due recognition, may be bcoz they are not that much expressive of their feelings.....but being a father i can very well say that the love of father for his kids is not less than that of a mother by any means.....and btw I liked your last sentence a lot, ie. "To hail the greatness of one thing, we should not degrade the other"

    Nice post...thanks for sharing..:)

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    1. Oh wow! I was pretty tensed when I wrote this. I did not know how people would react.. because I got this topic out of a debate.. I expected people would not take up to it.. But.. Aaah! Thank you Irfan. Your comment is very supporting! :)

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  2. Very true and the last line says it all, lets not compare both the mother and father are important in a child's life, they both have their own way of showing love affection and care ..

    Bikram's

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    1. Thank you reading and agreeing with me Bikram.. :) Much appreciated :)

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  3. Well said Sahana. The last line puts together what you've conveyed. Just as how important A Mothers' Love is, The Fathers' affection is as important. There is no point in trying to compare them.
    Everyone needs to read this and think for a while :-)

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    1. Am happy that I could put across the feeling into words.. :) You have rightly said.. Both are important.. We should never compare. Thanks a lot for commenting Ash.. :)

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  4. Beautifully written. I wish everyone should read this. Yes a father has to start loving but for a mother its natural. You have correctly pointed out the differences. Hope people understand this....:) Lovely post, a must read post.

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    1. Thank you for those lovely words Prashanth. Really means a lot to me :)

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  5. Beautifully written! Love the last line ' To hail the greatness of one thing, we should not degrade the other' ! I talk to mom a lot more than with my Dad over the phone, but when we meet, there is an instant bond with Dad. And being men, they don't communicate well to express their love but their actions speak louder than words :)

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    1. Sometimes there wont be action.. There will be an invisible form of current/wave/ or whatever that flows from a father to the child..
      Felt happy to hear about the instant bonding with you father.. How best can that get!
      Thanks for sharing your happiness here :)

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  6. The role of father has not got the value that it deserves in our social thinking,your this post argues at its best to give that value.

    Thought provoking one!

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    1. Poor father. Does everything for the family, finally dies for the family.. Still does not get the credit he deserves.. :) I am happy that you felt my efforts of putting forth a post to make people think over this has paid off.
      Thanks for your valued comment Neeraj! :)

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  7. I think both are equally important in their own way. One is not greater than the other.

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  8. Well said, lets not compare apples to oranges. Believe me, my father cries more than my mother when I come back from my parents place. Once he cried so much (that my mother called me at midnight) because I didn't hug me properly and he thought I don't love him as much as I love my mother.

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    1. oooooo.. That is so cute Saru :) I would have cried in the situation you were in.. Thanks for sharing this lovely experience here dear :)

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  9. yes, true mother's love is always glorified and father's affections sidelined or not given due recognition. both are imp and needed

    btw, just read Saru's comment and was touched by it. sometimes, i feel they cant "show" it as easily as we do

    @Saru: when i read that last line,i was feeling to hug him! he is so sweet and emotional Saru

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    1. Right Sujatha.. :) We are on the same boat.. I was touched by Saru's comment too.. "Putting up a bad show" is something which life and father exchange.

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  10. It was the reverse for me! I, all along my childhood and teenage, loved my father more than my mother. Only when I started working in a different city, I started to miss my Mom more. Rightly said, we cannot compare any form of love, but we need them all! Great post!

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    1. Wow! Life gets so beautiful when we know people sharing opposite experiences no? It simply expands the viewpoint.
      "We need them all"--> Taken. Tagged. Thank you! :)

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  11. Abhiyum Naanum in tamil or Naanu nanna Kanasu, laali all these movies depict what fathers love is. But you know what values of our dad is known only when we are matured enough to understand isnt it? cause thats exactly what happened to me and also to Sahana as she has mentioned!

    Very good topic to write about!

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    1. Got to agree with you. Father's love is something different, of which we get a taste only after certain period of time in our life.

      Wonderful article..

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    2. Like the kick after one gets drunk? Some realize it late, like me.. Thanks for agreeing with me.. :)

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    3. Ramya! How father gets attached to the kid.. is something amazing.. its magical actually.. He becomes soft and caring for the child, how is expresses is a completely different question. But, we should never underestimate the love!
      Am so glad you shared this comment with me.. :)

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  12. Interesting thoughts...
    Father's love is as greatest as MOTHER's but not many of us experience it and not many of us expresses it.. we must admit
    --Dee..

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    1. As great? Or less.. I don't know Deepak.. I just know both are deep, vast and expansive.. As you said, many may not express the experience..! I admit. Thanks a lot for sharing your views! :)

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  13. A beautiful post Sahana! I too agree that father and mother each have their own place in a child's life and mother is kept on a higher pedestal as she is the one who brings the child into this world after enduring all the pain.

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    1. True!She brings the world with all the pain.. That should not mean she should love her child more. That is the point I am trying to make. Thanks for those kind words Rahul! :)

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  14. beautifully written post.. Growing up I was more father's daughter than mother's . When someone ask who u love most comes . Pat comes the answer dad. But I support my mom more than dad..Physical love in sense hugging leaning on his shoulders..holding hands... screaming in the ear etc that way I am close to my dad. But my mom's love is not like that.. She doesn't hug us nor kiss us. But she loves us a lot her actions speaks louder than her hug or kiss.. So I don't compare their love.. I am blessed with loving parents ..Like U said lets not compare apples and oranges.

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    1. A completely opposite experience. That is what makes this life beautiful. There is no definition to love.. It is the way we perceive. Wonder why people compare...
      Thanks for sharing your heartfelt comment with me.. :)

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  15. I agree with you that the bond between mother and child is a natural one and for nine months they are one body within the other. A father treats you like an individual most of the time while a mother sees you as a part of her own. Both the ways are important for having the right balance. It certainly doesn't define who loves you more.

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    1. "A father treats you like an individual most of the time while a mother sees you as a part of her own. Both the ways are important for having the right balance. It certainly doesn't define who loves you more." I admire this. I never thought about this! I get to learn a lot when I write. Thanks a lot for reading and posting your view dear.. :)

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  16. Sahana...
    You know what is the best thing about this post? That it came out from the pen of a mother. I'm a great advocate of mother's love, but never I've compared my Dad's love to her love. I couldn't agree any less with you, and you have rightly said that the two cannot be compared at all.

    Dad is like the backbone for any child, most important but always behind the scenes.

    A very nice blog. You kept us waiting too long, but the wait was worth it.

    Lotsa love. :)

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    1. As I became mother, I also witnessed the birth of father Aditi. At no point in time I could compare my love towards the child and her fathers'. That is when I understood what it takes to be a father..! Ahh.. If the world had been so benevolent on fathers..

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  17. Last line says it all. True we should not compare apples, oranges and mangoes etc etc! By mangoes I mean spouses here. As you told love can be from any person in any form...we must appreciate the love of wife/husband also. Not just parents, even spouses play a crucial role in shaping the personality. Love of life partner is no less than that of mother who brings us to life. Ofcourse, exceptions allowed everywhere.
    Very good post Sahana, thought provoking! It feels so good to see a mail from you announcing the arrival of new blog :-)

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    1. Exactly! I just took an example of father. Love is beautiful in any form. Your comment comes with a thought from a different dimension. Eagerly wait for your opinion on the posts I write, and that is why I drop it in your mailbox :)

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  18. Hmmm..I guess that's why we call it a complete family..we need both parents' love, whether we realise it or not..nicely written :)

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    1. We will probably realize it sooner or later. But the sooner the better. Thanks a lot for those thoughtful words.

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  19. Very true and well said Sahana. The father and the mother have their own ways of showering love and affection, and blessed are those who experience this love from their parents.... :)

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    1. Right Attige :) Thanks a lot for reading and commenting!

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  20. Beautiful. I completely agree with what you said. When I was young, well younger, as well when people asked me who I loved more I would shout without a second thought that it was my mother. But infact what my father used to tell me has helped me evolve into a much better person. While my mother loved me and wished for me to be a better human being, my father taught me how to be one.
    Both of their love are completely different, and it would be inhuman from anyone's side to compare between any love. It is just the way in which they express it.

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    1. There you said it "inhuman from anyone's side to compare between any love.". The mistake is as gory as you said. Loved reading your comment. Thank you.

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  21. Lovely! I guess what a mother means to a person becomes apparent whenever a person is suffering or in pain - some form of 'Ma', 'Amma', 'Aai' escapes the lips, no matter what the age :)

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    1. Surprisingly! The word that escapes out of my mouth is Appa.. when I am in pain.. I dont know how.. But that is how it is..
      Appreciate your view. Thank you for sharing:)

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  22. Nice thought provoking post.

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  23. Fathers have always been known not to display emotion and that always led people to understand that their love is inferior, I am really happy that this post came from a daughter, let me tell you, no one can love a daughter more than her father. He nurtures and protects you from birth and one day he has to let you go, holding the hands of a young gentleman. You have to be a father to understand his emotion!

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    1. This post comes from a daughter and mother. "You have to be a father to understand his emotion!" I got goosebumps when I read this. Actually, it is same in every relationship. Unless we are in that shoes, we never absolutely understand the feeling! Thanks Arnab for posting your views here.. Such thought provoking comments make me expand the arena of thoughts

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  24. Such a lovely post..I still remember when people asked me as a kid whether I liked mom or dad ,I used to answer both coz my mom was downright adorable..pampering me when I needed to be pampered and berated me when I needed that too.And dad used to support me every time mom didn't .So..you know..Love them both always.Loved your last line.That's so true :).We can't be weighing everything and anything against one another irrelevantly!!

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    1. Ahh.. There you are seconding my thoughts and feelings. "We can't be weighing everything and anything against one another irrelevantly!!" -- How true!

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  25. To me this is a bold post. A bollywood infested country where "mere paas ma hai" is the answer to everything. Someone can finally stand up and say mere paas pa hai, mere paas sa. re. ga. ma. pa hai!

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    1. I tweeted "Mothers love is over-rated".. I got bombarded with all these pink shaded people. I just could not explain why I say so in 140 characters. Then, I thought I would do justice in a blog and that is how I came up with this post.
      Thanks for the appreciation :)

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  26. True Love is always divine, no matter if it's mother or father or anyone else! Your views are always thought-provoking. Keep it on Sahana :o)

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    1. Divinity in their own way.. Thank you Prashanth :-)

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  27. I do not like comparisons. I do not like comparing a pair of shoes to another, forget human beings. Comparing mother and father, wondering who did better! Nonsense.

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  28. Wow! what a new point of view! I am sure both fathers and others will agree!

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  29. And a first time on your blog. I am also Indivine ( gardenerat60).:-)

    I wanted ot appreciate the name of the blog!
    Wonderful. Makes on sit up and take note!

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  30. //Some people express themselves very well and others don't. //
    Needless to say, I belong to the second category. Neither do we express nor expect!

    And, maybe because fathers don't need/expect that glorification! Not that mothers expect or need it. I meant, traditionally fathers were occupied with too many other things (kids were one of the many priorities) whereas for mothers kids were the top most priority full-time so they deserved that extra-appreciation. :)

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  31. My sentiments are exactly the same as Jenny's! I too always used to say tht I liked my dad better - it is only as the days go by that am beginning to appreciate the value of my mother too!

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  32. Truly a mother's love is immeasurable. Nice post.

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  33. Hey Sahana, there is a surprise for you on my blog. Do visit my blog www.blogatcynthia.blogspot.in to unveil the surprise.

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  34. Hai Sahana.

    I ran into your very interesting website as I was composing the following poem. Thought it would be wise to seek your reaction before publicizing it through e-mails and Facebook.

    Calling all fathers on Father's Day

    Round and round they were swimming
    Making larger and larger ripples of water
    As if for fun and no other reason.

    Watching them from the shore
    As if concerned about their safety
    And in preparation to jump in if needed,
    Their mother seemed quiet and still
    As if in deep reflection and meditation.

    What will they be when they grow up?
    Will they be as happy as they are now?
    Will they be able to confront life's
    Ups and downs
    With courage and confidence
    As I am struggling to do?
    Kay sarah sarah
    She seemed to be singing to herself.

    What a strange paradox! I thought.
    Mother's love is so very Universal
    And so very much a Natural Instinct.

    The love of Fathers
    On the other hand
    A uniquely human trait
    Finds its way into many a dimension
    As they learn to care and participate
    In the upbringing of their offspring.

    Make it Bigger and Bigger
    Your love for your kids
    All young fathers out there.

    Happy Father's day.

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BH: Better Half. Butter Half. Bitter Half.

BUNNI: Manufactured Daughter.

APPA: Role-Model Father.

AMMA: Near and Dear Mother.

CHD: Partner in Crime. Brother.

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