Saturday, April 28, 2012

Attention Deficit Disorder

It was pitch dark and we were passing through the woods in a car. We were supposed to reach the destination an hour earlier, the camera's craving for a hunt (read shoot) at many places led to many pit-stops. Once we entered the forest, a guard warned us against stopping the car anywhere. I held onto BH's hand, rested my head over his shoulder and closed my eyes. Then, I heard these conversations.

Girl: Stop for second! Look at the lonely tree in the middle of the lake and the moon's reflection in it!!

BH lifted my head with his hand and said,

"What a catch in the night girl. It will be a picture for life and please don't get down."

That girl had one kick-ass camera. She quickly changed some settings clicked a few snaps in various combinations of angles and modes. Then, she gestured the driver that we can leave. She flaunted what she had snapped. The only person who seemed to be interested was BH.

Next morning, all of us went for a walk through the wood. I took my normal point-and-shoot camera with me. As we tread the rough terrain, we spotted many birds on the way. It was a visual treat. But, when I turned to show BH a bird we had not spotted before, I did not find him. I turned back. He was showing something to the girl with a kick-ass camera. I went there to see what I had missed sighting. The valley and trees looked beautiful with a orange hued sky in the background. I captured that too.
BH turned to the girl and said,

BH: Show me the picture you have taken.
Girl: See this, See this and this. Which is the best?
BH: All are good. You should take photography seriously. You are made for that.
Girl: He.. He.. You are flattering me.

The voice inside me cried "I have taken a snap too! And I am standing few inches away from you"

Was I jealous? Or was I lacking attention? I pondered. There is an intrusion in that territory of attention was the output. Although I knew, that both of them were intent on photography, I was hurt. I went into my shell. I slid the camera into its pouch and walked swiftly away from them. Alone.

BH, who notices the slightest of my change in expressions, did not comprehend this. Maybe, he did not expect. Then, I told myself not to expect a minute of atttention from him on this trip. I kept myself aloof from the happenings. Strangely, BH did not notice till that evening. I stood near a vast expanse of dry land, gaping at infinity. I had a warm hand on my shoulder and deep low voice said.

BH: What are you doing here?
Me: Nothing. I was just thinking to tell you that this spot could offer a picture during the sunset. Go quickly and bring your camera-woman.
BH: What? Are you jealous my lady? *Laughs uncontrollably*
Me: *Teary eyed* Did you see one snap I took during this trip?
BH: Oye! Are you crying? Dear.. She has a better camera than us. I was.. Leave it. Now stop crying and show me the snaps.
Me: I won't.
BH: You are a kid. Come-on. Grow-up.

After pampering, cuddling, hugging and chocolate-ing I felt better. I lacked attention. God! Such difficult times of my life :-D 

I cannot term this feeling as positive or negative. It really depends on how you deal with this feeling. I would not call term this as jealousy or insecurity, it is the behavior due to lack of attention. If the expectations and disappointments are not sorted as soon as possible, such feelings wont take long to grow into negative emotions.
So, I suffered from "Attention Deficit Disorder- Initial stage"

PS: I was not angry. I was just hungry for attention.
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Acronyms and Definitions

BH: Better Half. Butter Half. Bitter Half.

BUNNI: Manufactured Daughter.

APPA: Role-Model Father.

AMMA: Near and Dear Mother.

CHD: Partner in Crime. Brother.


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