Attention Deficit Disorder
Sahana Rao
Saturday, April 28, 2012
56 Comments
It was pitch dark and we were passing
through the woods in a car. We were supposed to reach the destination
an hour earlier, the camera's craving for a hunt (read shoot) at many
places led to many pit-stops. Once we entered the forest, a guard
warned us against stopping the car anywhere. I held onto BH's hand,
rested my head over his shoulder and closed my eyes. Then, I heard
these conversations.
Girl: Stop for second! Look at the
lonely tree in the middle of the lake and the moon's reflection in
it!!
BH lifted my head with his hand and
said,
"What a catch in the night girl. It
will be a picture for life and please don't get down."
That girl had one kick-ass camera. She
quickly changed some settings clicked a few snaps in various
combinations of angles and modes. Then, she gestured the driver that
we can leave. She flaunted what she had snapped. The only person who
seemed to be interested was BH.
Next morning, all of us went for a
walk through the wood. I took my normal point-and-shoot camera with me. As we tread
the rough terrain, we spotted many birds on the way. It was a visual
treat. But, when I turned to show BH a bird we had not spotted before, I did not find him.
I turned back. He was showing something to the girl with a kick-ass
camera. I went there to see what I had missed sighting. The valley
and trees looked beautiful with a orange hued sky in the background.
I captured that too.
BH turned to the girl and said,
BH: Show me the picture you have taken.
Girl: See this, See this and this.
Which is the best?
BH: All are good. You should take
photography seriously. You are made for that.
Girl: He.. He.. You are flattering me.
The voice inside me cried "I have
taken a snap too! And I am standing few inches away from you"
Was I jealous? Or was I lacking
attention? I pondered. There is an intrusion in that territory of
attention was the output. Although I knew, that both of them were
intent on photography, I was hurt. I went into my shell. I slid the
camera into its pouch and walked swiftly away from them. Alone.
BH, who notices the slightest of my
change in expressions, did not comprehend this. Maybe, he did not
expect. Then, I told myself not to expect a minute of atttention from
him on this trip. I kept myself aloof from the happenings. Strangely,
BH did not notice till that evening. I stood near a vast expanse of
dry land, gaping at infinity. I had a warm hand on my shoulder and
deep low voice said.
BH: What are you doing here?
BH: What? Are you jealous my lady? *Laughs uncontrollably*
Me: *Teary eyed* Did you see one snap I took during this trip?
BH: Oye! Are you
crying? Dear.. She has a better camera than us. I was.. Leave it. Now
stop crying and show me the snaps.
Me: I won't.
BH: You are a kid.
Come-on. Grow-up.
After pampering,
cuddling, hugging and chocolate-ing I felt better. I lacked
attention. God! Such difficult times of my life :-D
I cannot term this feeling as positive or negative. It really depends on how you deal with this feeling. I would not call term this as jealousy or insecurity, it is the behavior due to lack of attention. If the expectations and disappointments are not sorted as soon as possible, such feelings wont take long to grow into negative emotions.
So, I suffered from "Attention Deficit Disorder- Initial stage"
PS: I was not angry. I was just hungry for attention.
PS: I was not angry. I was just hungry for attention.
