Friday, August 19, 2011

Ooops.. ! Arguments




WEEKENDS

BH: Weekends are for catching up on sleep. Wake up, eat, browse channels.. Sleep.

ME: Do laundry. Press. Dust. Arrange clothes in the cupboard. Clean bathroom.

Conclusion: He thinks I don’t know how to be free on holidays. And I think he is one lazy bone who cannot use his free-time productively.
(Oh.. Finally we kenned!)



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MOMENTOUS PLACE
We are at a spot where he had held me for the first time, dates back to 4 years ago.

BH: **Expressionless** Walks into the place and sits. ( Present is a 'present') 

ME: The ends of the curve of my smile had touched my ears. I thought that would drop a hint. (Press-errant)

Conclusion: He thinks, it is a nice place to spend some memorable time with your loved one. She thinks, he is absolutely unromantic for not remembering the significance of the place.

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PERCEPTION
We were leaving for my friend’s reception party. He was all dressed up and he was downstairs watching something on TV. I wear one superb awesome dress with vibrant colors and I model walked, down the stairs.

BH: A smirk

ME: A winner smile

Conclusion: He thinks, Wow! Timed entry. Good that I did not miss that wicket. I think, he thinks he is lucky to have me as his wife.


ON ROAD



When BF is driving and some guy on the road takes a heedless right turn.

BH: Hey you Loser! *&#*@&*@   (off-loaded frustration)

ME: What if he comes back and picks up a fight. Hushed. (uploaded apprehension)    

Conclusion: He thinks all people who do not follow traffic rules, who drive nastily are morons. I think, he should raise his tolerance limits.




All these situations are potentially HOT! I mean, if any one of us chooses to talk about it we may end up in a boiling argument and eventually we will be leading a cat and dog life.( Then Bunni would be a hybrid specie :-D ) We just knew when to remain silent and that avoids most arguments. But, we don’t. We just accept the differences.





To know the differences, you have to fight. I agree.  But the basic question is why do we fight? Because our need/ expectation is not met. Fair enough.

What can be done?


  1. Don’t take things personally. Be an objective thinker.
  2. Try concentrating on the issue. Many a times, we give importance to the words used in a sentence than the meaning of the sentence.
  3. If you feel that you are getting emotional. Remain silent. Take a time-out. Because, when you are emotional, you may end up saying things which you did not mean. ( quoting from experience)
  4. Try to walk a mile in his shoes, through his thoughts. If you have something to say, consider him as another human like you; who might also have his perspective to convey.

76 comments:

  1. really nice.. i spl. like the conclusions and of course the presentation too!! :)

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  2. Wow it's like deja vu!!
    Good suggestions... but of course veryyy difficult to follow in the heat of the moment :-(

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  3. This is a really, really nice post:)

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  4. :) weekends are for REST and SLEEP and CRICKET :) he heheheh

    and so veyr TRUE on the MORONS yes they are

    Bikram's

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  5. You have unveiled the secret of happy living; thought-provoking, especially for newly married couple. Nice write-up Sahana :o)

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  6. Again, a nice read...You have a winning style :)

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  7. that's a nice read...best solution in a relationship is to discuss the problem, it always works with us...
    loved that last pic...should have added ego as well..

    Cheers!
    SUB

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  8. I agree that those who don't follow traffic rules are morons :). I am the last one to get ready because I've to get the kids ready first. And, when people fight, cool and calm thoughts vanish from their heads. In most families, I see that certain people eg wife will be the calm one during fights always during fights. Calmless is easier preached and more difficult to implement. What I do is to let the argument subside then and there when things are heated up. But, I go back later when things are calmer to express my reservations or opinions when the other person is in a frame of mind. The only lesson I've learnt is that by shouting back on shouting, it only escalates tensions. But, stating calmly your position does make the other person back off. It works everytime. But, if I am mad, hubby knows how to back off :).

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  9. Lovely as always!! I so wish it could be followed in the heat of the moment.But alas.Its difficult even though retrospection makes us realise.but its too late by then!

    Fab post!! Great work!

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  10. wonderful Sahana!
    you quoted the essentials of a happy married life!
    loved it :)

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  11. hi,

    you are tagged here!

    http://myblogmyviews-gowthami.blogspot.com/2011/08/token-of-love.html

    smile,
    gowthami.

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  12. lovely :)
    u r one professional relationship expert
    there ....ur new designation :))

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  13. Brilliant, happens so many times.

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  14. Your view on day-to-day situations in relationship is awesome... nice read :)

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  15. Since a lot of men and women from different countries can see themselves in the above dialogues, we are talking of genetic gender differences! So no use fighting about them :)

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  16. Nice read...The traffic incident, I always ask the same to my hubby:) The WORD ofcourse is different:)

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  17. IT was great reading this post.

    I agree with all the points which you've listed. We have to realize that in Life, we have to Give and take at the right times.

    Great instances. :)

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  18. I liked the way u started it..creatively done :)

    As for ur points..well ego and tolerance too hold a very important place. coz sometimes, the matter is very meager but its d lack of tolerance and our own egos that make things appear sour!


    sarah

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  19. as good as always!!! very nicely put down in words.

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  20. Great piece. I will have to work on a few things :)

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  21. Wow... very nice post.. loved the lttle incidents and "Mars and Venus" point of view..:)

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  22. He He He Spicy :D awesome write up lots to learn
    But even if I read the last tips in your blog 10 times, i forget in a second and pick fights with Hubs ;).

    loved the way you have projected how ur BH thinks ;)

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  23. Fantastic write-up!!! Great work... :)

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  24. Nicely put.. Loved the examples and your short notes on it..

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  25. Hmmm interesting and wonderful facts of life. Very well written. Thanks for those tips lady.. Wud be useful in future..:)

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  26. You've wonderfully put together your thoughts. This could be a running series - little tips and learning for couples on how to manage their relationships. Why don't you write a book about it? ;)

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  27. Heyiieee.. :)

    A very nice write up! :)

    Loved it! :)

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  28. :) :) enjoyed reading it..felt as though someone just put words to my thoughts.. :) :)

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  29. Rajni has almost become synonymous with the word Original, because of the way he has portrayed it in every move he makes. Taking this a step further, Rajni now talks about being original and how it pays in the long run. Find out more on how he goes about it by clicking here http://bit.ly/n9GwsR

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  30. site bookmarked for further reading :]

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  31. Is sahana your real name ?
    Its BEAUTIFUL :)

    and this post too is very enjoyable :)

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  32. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  33. This is wonderful.. and I absolutely loved the last point.. walk in his shoes...If everyone tries to do this with every other... how peaceful life would be...! Let's dream!

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  34. You are tagged here!

    http://myblawghh.blogspot.com/2011/08/yay-my-first-blog-award.html

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  35. That's so true Sahana! Well explained!

    I will remember the bullet points for sure :)

    I will come to you for counselling if, God forbid, I have any problems in my relationship :)

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  36. @Himanshu That is nice Himanshu! Am glad that they made you feel good. Thanks a lot commenting. :)

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  37. @Anne John
    Not very difficult actually when we get these things trickle down our brain. Brain should rule. Then things will fall in place. Yes! It is Deja vu for many around.

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  38. @Priyanka Kamath
    Thank you Priyanka. Am so glad that you used 'really' twice.

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  39. @BHARATHIRAJA Yes! Can relate yourself? That is a success for me. :)
    Thanks for commenting.

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  40. @Bikramjit Yes Yes, Mars fellow. I will convey this approval to BH.
    :D
    Felt nice that you posted your views. Thank you!

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  41. @Prashanth Thank you Prashanth.
    Newly married, yet to marry or yet to realize people may find this post helpful only if they decide to implement Prashanth. Otherwise, nothing is going work.

    ReplyDelete
  42. @Saru Singhal Thank you Saru! Your precious comments are my medals I can show off proudly.

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  43. @SUB

    Thanks a lot SUB for expressing your views.
    But to start discussing one should not be HOT with anger. He/She should have cool head. We should get to that condition first.
    Well, about the picture, I thought, Pride and ego will go together.

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  44. @Rachna Yippie! We share the same technique. Even I employ similar technique.
    Beating the iron when it is hot will spoil the shape of the relationship. So, we need to beat when things are cold.
    Agreed Rachna!
    Wonderful point actually. I forgot mentioning in the post. :)

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  45. @Upasana
    Thanks for 2 things Upasana!
    1) For the award. I am elated and honoured.
    2) It is difficult I agree, but conscious effort does miracles.

    I am actually smiling seeing your comment. :) You made me so happy!

    ReplyDelete
  46. @Gowthami Nandigala
    Thank you Gowthami.
    One of the important things actually. There are many such points!

    ReplyDelete
  47. @Gowthami Nandigala

    Thats a lovely award Gowthami. Loved it. Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  48. @Sujatha Sathya
    Yeah? Seems so.
    That should be my new designation after SAHM. 2 months from now. :)

    ReplyDelete
  49. @Vikram
    Am glad that you could relate Bikram.
    Thank you for commenting.

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  50. @Anand
    Hey Anand,
    that is the best part of life no?
    If we can understand how to see the life then it will be so peaceful.
    Am happy that you like my ishtyle

    ReplyDelete
  51. @Sunil Deepak
    Yes Sunil,
    Genetic gender differences matter a lot actually.
    We realize the use only when we think objectively which we fail to quite often.

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  52. @deepazartz
    The WORD is different here too. :D
    I just did not want to use that word here.
    Thanks a lot deepa!

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  53. @TuSKeR Thank you Tusker! I am happy that this HOT situations post was cool!

    @COOPERJAL Thank you!
    @AJ Thats a nice expression for appreciation. Thank you!
    @Ashwini Ajith Thanks a lot Attige. Your appreciation is always valued.
    @Suree Thank you Suree. Welcome to my blog. Thanks a lot. :)
    @Arpit Rastogi Thank you Arpit :)
    @Raghu V N **Humble**

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  54. @Ashwini Oh that is nice to know Ashwini. :)
    We have to realize and implement. Then life will be a flowery path in this regard at least.

    ReplyDelete
  55. @subtlescribbler
    Welcome to my blog Sarah.
    Thank you for a detailed review of my post.
    Agreed to your points. Patience is the word.

    ReplyDelete
  56. @Neeraj Kumar
    Glad that you said that. I am happy that I am up to the mark!

    ReplyDelete
  57. @Kumar Bibek
    That was an honest reply Kumar. :)
    May you have a peaceful arguments less life ahead.
    Thanks for commenting

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  58. @KP
    Right KP!
    The differences are basic. But we tend to get argumentative forgetting that the basic difference lies in the gender's perspective.
    That resulted in this long post. :)
    Thanks KP, for commenting.

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  59. @Ramya Ramya! Happens dear happens. If you are willed that will not happen many times.
    That is how husbands think right>? ;)

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  60. @ಅಶ್ವಿನಿ/ Ashwini
    Thank you Ashwini. If this post helps you to get something for your future life then there is nothing better than that actually. :)

    ReplyDelete
  61. @Arcopol
    Thank you! Yes, it could be. But people may get bored.
    Well, writing a book? It is a long term plan.
    Felt elated reading your comment. :)

    ReplyDelete
  62. @SuKupedia :) :) Ahh! That is so nice! If this post could bring in 'its my story' feeling. Then nothing better than that.
    Am happy. Thanks a lot for giving me that happiness.

    ReplyDelete
  63. @Unknown Whatever. Please get lost to the unknown land. Dont spam.

    ReplyDelete
  64. @Ifra Khaliq Thank you! That is a pleasure reading your comment.

    ReplyDelete
  65. @~Serendipity~ Yes! That is my Name. Thank you!
    Am so glad that you liked my post. :)

    ReplyDelete
  66. @Nishana Yes Nishana. That one task will solve half problems in the world. Am glad that you liked the post. :)

    ReplyDelete
  67. @Namrata Mahalingam
    Do remember Namrata. It is very important.
    Hope you don't come up to me with a problem. I would expect you with happy news. :)

    ReplyDelete
  68. @Spicy SweetYou are most welcome Sahana! You totally deserve it!

    ReplyDelete
  69. you see....all the men are like that only.. i really enjoyed... :-)

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Acronyms and Definitions

BH: Better Half. Butter Half. Bitter Half.

BUNNI: Manufactured Daughter.

APPA: Role-Model Father.

AMMA: Near and Dear Mother.

CHD: Partner in Crime. Brother.

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