Ahamkaara

Monday, November 26, 2012

Panchatantra side effects

Sahana Rao Monday, November 26, 2012 25 Comments

I have always been a fan of children stories which are windows to our big world. I started off pretty early narrating stories to Bunni. Animals which can talk and which can emote kept her butterfly-like attention honey glued. Myriad stories made my life simpler in conveying subtle facts, rules and maxims to guide our daily lives. I was so proud of myself. But, later I started to realize, these stories have side effects too!

All wells have a lion in them. We were in our village, walking through the roads, we spotted a well. I thought, I will show her what a well is. But, she held my hand to stop me.

Bunni: Don't peep into the well. A lion is living in there. It will eat you the moment you bend in to see your reflection!

Remember the lion which fell into the well seeing its own reflection? (see here) And you thought that is the end?

Ask for forgiveness. Get a life.

We were watching a National Geographic documentary. And a lioness was on the run to hunt a wild buffalo. Bunni started shouting.

Bunni: Buffalo must have done something wrong, that is why lion is trying to kill. <going near the TV> dear buffalo, dear buffalo, tell the lion that you won’t do that mistake again, it will forgive you. It won’t eat you!

Anyone who falls dies!

She does not know the concept of death. She just knows, the word and the situations in which I had used while narrating the story. We were walking on the road and Bunni spotted a traffic cop running. She was overly excited to see a cop running. (you know who runs in stories ;) ) she started shouting in the top of her voice.

Bunni: Amma, look! A police man is running!!
To my embarrassment, that police man stopped running the moment her words hit his ears and turned around to see us.
Me: Yes. Say Bye to police uncle.
Bunni: Hi, police uncle. You should not run.
Police: Why shouldn't I run?
Bunni: See. Road has a lot of stones, you will fall down and die!!

Police man looked straight into my face! I did not know what to say. I mean, how I can explain to him so much? I just apologized and ran to save further embarrassments. I could sense a smile on his face.

Steal and eat. Your tummy will be fat!

We had gone to temple. The priest was busy with chants and aarti. Bunni was doing monkey-jobs of climbing the railings there. I told her to stand silently, or the priest would get angry. As the priest came near us to give MangaLaarathi and Theertha,

Bunni: Amma.. This priest has stolen and eaten a lot of Laddoos. See his tummy is so fat!

This was from the story of Bal Ganesh! Ouch! That priest's face was red! The pressure in my mouth for a roar of laughter was building by few kilo-pascals! I controlled myself and said. You shouldn't say so.

Every Gopal's wife is Suman

We had been to a marriage reception. When we were on the stage,

BH: Bunni, Wish Gopal Uncle a happy married life
Bunni: Where is your wife Suman?
Gopal looked perplexed,
Gopal: Who is Suman?

Gopal's wife Priya had baffled look on her face.I intervened and stopped the conversations because I knew where it was going. The story of the goose which laid golden eggs had owners named Gopal and Suman, who were husband and wife. So, for her, every Gopal's wife is Suman.

Children observe and construe a lot more than we expect. What a fun life they lead. Absolutely no inhibitions, no rules and bounds for the way-of-life. So much to learn from them. The way these stories are embarrassing me, it is should be Punch-atantra.

Monday, October 29, 2012

Arrgh-uments

Sahana Rao Monday, October 29, 2012 25 Comments

Arguments. The unwritten rule in the life of people who live together under the same roof. Arguments can ignite because of one small action/inaction, word/no-words or frustration. Over years of marriage, I observed that some solutions which have worked for me in wriggling out of or avoiding arguments. There may be many more. I will learn them eventually.

Respond. Don't react.
There is a big difference. Reaction comes with zero-thinking unlike response. When he says something which cuts through your ego and it brings up equally hurting words is when you have to drown them down your mouth. Take a deep breath. Step back. Listen carefully. If you feel situation is just blowing your head-off. Choose some corner of the house. Refuse to argue, even if the person comes behind you shouting all the way. Switch on mute mode. Take refuge in a place where you can cool yourself. Take your time. Choose your words. Give it back in a nice but firm manner when things are cool. ;)

Accept Manufacturing Defects
In the initial days of living together, there will be many frustrating things, which you may not like. You tend to pick up battles on that. Shout. Argue. Sob. But, you see somethings are inherent. They do not change over time. Wet towel will still find its place over the bed, wrapper of the new toothpaste on the wash-basin etc. Consider them to be manufacturing defects of that human being and accept that gracefully. And more importantly remember, you are also accepted with some such defects. Relationships are too valuable to fight over petty matters. Arguing over the same matter again and again is insane. It is like doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results.

What is right? Not Who?
You are frustrated, you pass some hurtful remarks and you get back hurtful remarks again. You are now offended. There starts a big chain of bomb shelling. Everytime, you are adding new layers to the argument, each trying to win and prove the point "I'm right!". Never have that urge to get the last word. Always remember, you are NOT arguing with your enemy. The other person may have a kernel of truth at their core in what he/she is saying. Take criticism positively. Be honest enough to see what is right, irrespective of which one of you is saying it.

Agree to Disagree
Watching old test matches of cricket has been an irritating issue for me. For BH, it is as enjoyable as those few minutes of a nail-biting finish. He tried explaining to me many a times, on how good a test match is, why it interests him etc. Finally, he understood, that I just cannot see through his perspective. Then he stopped explaining. Sometimes he gives in and sometimes he watches while I do something else. We just agreed to disagree.

POINTS TO REMEMBER!

Arguments may augment tension if not transformed into a discussion.
Let go of ego.
Don't use tears as a weapon in the arguments. It will be an unfair game when your partner is in the ring unarmed.
Ensure discussions do not become diss-cuss-sessions.

Wrote this post as I was thinking about ways of ending an argument I had with BH for not calling me or messaging me for 18 hrs when I was at my parents place! And there beeped my cell-phone.

"I now understand how empty God's house must have been, when He dropped you into your mother's womb. Missing you dear."

THERE! I realized. I missed an important point to end arguments. LOVE.

# MY TWO CENTS

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Clumsy Encounter

Sahana Rao Thursday, September 13, 2012 52 Comments

June 16^th, 2006

We had a buddy group in our engineering college, like everyone who's been to college had. And we decided to watch a Hindi movie - "Krrish" on a Friday. There was a guy, whom I called "Anna"(for later references) who was (still is) very close. He messaged me and asked if he could bring along his chaddi-buddies to the movie. Since, I had heard some really interesting stories about his chaddi-buddies from him, I thought it would be good to meet them all. I messaged back. "Why not? Go ahead."

The show was at 2.30 PM, I wore white and white salwar kameez, strung a single strand of silken pearls around my neck, smeared lipstick, etched the eyeline with kohl and finally a white bindi.. I looked into the mirror and smiled "I love you. Mmmuuah!"

Sliding my feet into white, high-heeled sandals, got onto my chariot – Scooty pep! And zoomed off! It was 12.40 PM.

It rained all along the way. I was drenched when I reached the venue. I parked my chariot, swung my handbag onto my shoulder, removed the shades, opened the hair which was tucked up. The light breeze played my hair. I felt like I was walking through my dream. Friends waved from afar.

So, now after all the pleasantries were exchanged, it came to the introduction part of Anna's chaddi-buddies. He went on introducing, I greeted them and waved Hi with a wide, really wide smile. There was this guy, who did not even smile, just said "Hi" in a base voice, without a tinge of politeness! "Insult! What crappy attitude this guy has!" I thought and I was breathing fiery anger under my breath. I knew, this guy was Anna's best friend.

I ignored him completely later. We went into the theatre, we sat and started laughing out loud on some joke.. when I heard "Do you mind, if I sit here?" That same guy! "You know how to be nice also? Moron" I thought. Smiled grudgingly and said "No, I dont mind". He sat next to me, I ignored till he started laughing out loud to some comments passed. Though, I liked the hearty laughter, I was clouded by anger and revenge! Grrrr!

And finally when the movie got over, we dispersed. As Anna and his friends left, I found myself waving "Bye!" with a wide grinning smile again!!! And that guy just replied with a smirk. That moment I could imagine my ego banging its head and pulling out its hair out of frustration thinking - Why did I do this again? I did not know..

But, I knew one thing "I HATE HIM!"

When the winds of change blew. Hate transformed to love. The actual revenge is now! Happening :-D

# BH # IT'S MY LIFE

Friday, July 6, 2012

Mesmerizing or A mess of memorizing?

Sahana Rao Friday, July 06, 2012 24 Comments

My eyes were on the door waiting for BH's arrival. Guests had informed late about their arrival on a Sunday, and it had left me very little time to cook a lunch for them. I asked BH to note down a list of things in his phone I would need from the shop nearby, knowing very well about his slippery memory.

It was half an hour since he left. He should have returned by now. The clock was ticking. So little time, so much to do. The shopping centre is nearby. It should not take more than 5 minutes even if he crawls on the road. Did he meet someone? But, shouldn't he know this is urgent? Or has something bad happened to him? My limbs trembled once that last thought crossed my mind. I reached out to my phone and called him.

***Nobody Gonna Take My Car***.. The ringtone buzzed.

Darn! He has left his phone! Then what will he bring? What took him so long? I thought, I will go near the shop and find out. My heart was thundering. I switched off the stove and other electrical appliances, ran into the room to get my purse.

***BANG!***

I got the shock of my life. BH was sleeping like a log!!! I just could not believe my eyes!! I shook him up, asked him what happened? He was still closing his eyes as he answered,

"I searched for my wallet. I could not find. I do not know where I kept it last night. Then, I remembered today is Sunday and I need not go to office"

innocently. I knew he was not pretending. Have you heard of cross-connection in the lines of thought? Here it was!

The pressure was building up inside me, my eyes had turned red and welled up with tears like they would pop out any moment. I had to gather myself and get down to work. Guests came, they enjoyed the sumptuous lunch. So, everything ended well.

There is no exact algorithm to figure out what he forgets. He can forget anything. Be it hanging towels on the string after bath, keys, friend's wedding, birthdays, or even the destination to which he left home for. ANYTHING. I am happy that it is any"thing" and not anyone! He would have forgotten all his body parts if they were detachable!

If I get into a combative mode on this: tempers fray, accusations fly - which only leave my head in frying hot temperature. Nothing will change. I am not being pessimistic here, but neither am I optimistic about a human's ability to radically change their inbuilt qualities. I try to help him out without being nosy, by setting reminders in his phone or SMS-ing. I am sure that I shall evolve with many other reminding techniques as years roll-by.
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Next Monday, he had an early office meeting. I bid good-bye for the day, a hug and a peck followed. However tired I am, such gestures make me feel very light. As I closed the door behind, I saw the towel “as usual” lying on the floor in the room. I heaved a sigh. I was about to pick the towel up, I felt cold fingers over my arms. My breath stopped. He held me tight from back, while his warm breath tickled my ears, he planted a peck and said,

"Sorry, I forgot! I was too occupied with the presentation for the meeting. Bye dear"

That left a smile on my face. Friedrich Nietzsche said "The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time." There is no quality in man/woman which is dark. Everything is grey!

# BH # IT'S MY LIFE

Thursday, May 24, 2012

What laga diya

Sahana Rao Thursday, May 24, 2012 56 Comments

The conversations I have with my little one just make my day! She surprises me everyday. It is a two-way learning activity. Now, she can remember, relate and ask questions. The most feared "Why?" has not started yet. So, here are some snippets of my enlightenment.

As a regular routine, we were lighting the lamps and reciting shlokas in the evening, and..

Bunni: What is inside God Amma?

Me: mmmm.. A lot energy.

*Her eyes glowing*

Bunni: I drink Bournvita no? I eat all things you give no? Even I have a looooot of energy.

Did you know? Bournvita is all it takes to become God.

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We were travelling by car and it was raining, Bunni was carefully watching the wiper blades were wiping off the raindrops on the glass. Suddenly she exclaimed..

Car is shaving like Appa no?

Did you know? Car needs a shave on a rainy day?

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In a family get-together lunch, they served "Aloo BonDa" otherwise called "Batata Wada",

It was hot and crispy,

Me: Taste it Bunni.. You will like it.

Bunni: No.. I don't want.

Me: Okay. See.. How Amma eats and enjoys..

Bunni: Amma.. Slowly.. There is no urgency.. No one will take that away from you.. Remove the peel and then eat.

Did you know? The mouth I opened to have a bite, remained open as I was awestruck by that dialogue. Have you tried eating an "Aloo BonDa" or Batata Wada without the peel? :D

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We had been to our village to attend cousin's wedding. Uncles have cows and buffalos at home. Bunni was excited very much about the animals in proximity.

One evening she sat watching my uncle milking the cow and she started crying.

Uncle: What hapenned? Why are you crying?

Bunni: Give the milk back to the cow.

Uncle: It has given for us dear.

Bunni: No! You took it. It did not give. You did not even ask its permission before you took.

She started crying loudly. I had to take her to a different place to divert her from the topic.

Did you know? You should ask the cow's permission before milking?

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I was asking her the meaning of lights on the traffic signal..

Me: Red means?

Bunni: Stop <with action>

Me: Amber means?

Bunni: Get ready

Me: Green means?

Bunni: <runs> Gooooo..

Comes back running to me and asks

What does the head-light color in front of the car mean?

If you know. Please let me know :D

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With just "Whats", Watt lagaa deti hai yaar! :D

# Bunni

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Attention Deficit Disorder

Sahana Rao Saturday, April 28, 2012 56 Comments

It was pitch dark and we were passing through the woods in a car. We were supposed to reach the destination an hour earlier, the camera's craving for a hunt (read shoot) at many places led to many pit-stops. Once we entered the forest, a guard warned us against stopping the car anywhere. I held onto BH's hand, rested my head over his shoulder and closed my eyes. Then, I heard these conversations.

Girl: Stop for second! Look at the lonely tree in the middle of the lake and the moon's reflection in it!!

BH lifted my head with his hand and said,

"What a catch in the night girl. It will be a picture for life and please don't get down."

That girl had one kick-ass camera. She quickly changed some settings clicked a few snaps in various combinations of angles and modes. Then, she gestured the driver that we can leave. She flaunted what she had snapped. The only person who seemed to be interested was BH.

Next morning, all of us went for a walk through the wood. I took my normal point-and-shoot camera with me. As we tread the rough terrain, we spotted many birds on the way. It was a visual treat. But, when I turned to show BH a bird we had not spotted before, I did not find him. I turned back. He was showing something to the girl with a kick-ass camera. I went there to see what I had missed sighting. The valley and trees looked beautiful with a orange hued sky in the background. I captured that too.

BH turned to the girl and said,

BH: Show me the picture you have taken.

Girl: See this, See this and this. Which is the best?

BH: All are good. You should take photography seriously. You are made for that.

Girl: He.. He.. You are flattering me.

The voice inside me cried "I have taken a snap too! And I am standing few inches away from you"

Was I jealous? Or was I lacking attention? I pondered. There is an intrusion in that territory of attention was the output. Although I knew, that both of them were intent on photography, I was hurt. I went into my shell. I slid the camera into its pouch and walked swiftly away from them. Alone.

BH, who notices the slightest of my change in expressions, did not comprehend this. Maybe, he did not expect. Then, I told myself not to expect a minute of atttention from him on this trip. I kept myself aloof from the happenings. Strangely, BH did not notice till that evening. I stood near a vast expanse of dry land, gaping at infinity. I had a warm hand on my shoulder and deep low voice said.

BH: What are you doing here?

Me: Nothing. I was just thinking to tell you that this spot could offer a picture during the sunset. Go quickly and bring your camera-woman.

BH: What? Are you jealous my lady? *Laughs uncontrollably*

Me: *Teary eyed* Did you see one snap I took during this trip?

BH: Oye! Are you crying? Dear.. She has a better camera than us. I was.. Leave it. Now stop crying and show me the snaps.

Me: I won't.

BH: You are a kid. Come-on. Grow-up.

After pampering, cuddling, hugging and chocolate-ing I felt better. I lacked attention. God! Such difficult times of my life :-D

I cannot term this feeling as positive or negative. It really depends on how you deal with this feeling. I would not call term this as jealousy or insecurity, it is the behavior due to lack of attention. If the expectations and disappointments are not sorted as soon as possible, such feelings wont take long to grow into negative emotions.

So, I suffered from "Attention Deficit Disorder- Initial stage"

PS: I was not angry. I was just hungry for attention.

# BH # Experience

Monday, March 5, 2012

D-Cold war

Sahana Rao Monday, March 05, 2012 49 Comments

The molten lava is burning inside. The 2 openings of the caves in the volcanic mountain are blocked by the rocks formed by the solidified lava. And the smallest mistake, could cause a hot volcanic eruption at home. That is how serious the situation is, when BH catches "common" cold and his nose (above mentioned as caves) is blocked!

I had no clue whatsoever, what would turn-up the next morning. I was busy getting ready for the day and it was half past 9! I rushed to bedroom to wake BH up.. And what I saw was a gory sight which I had never witnessed before!

He was looking crest-fallen, still on the couch. BH's face had turned to a red tomato!

Me: What happened? It is already 9.30! Won't you go to office?

BH: Yeah right! You want me to go to office even when I am dying?

I was completely taken aback by that reply. "Should I call an ambulance?" I contemplated. Maybe I did not comprehend his condition properly. I just thought, he has caught cold. I immediately ran to him, sat next to him, apologized for being insensitive, pampered him and asked..

Me: What happened? What is bothering you..

BH: Bloody common cold!

I took a deep breath, and tried to gather calmness from all positive energy sources. I said I would bring him hot filter coffee, which would provide him some initial relief. He never behaved so touchy, vulnerable, emotional for 3 years now. But, he had not caught cold either. He had turned into a whining, clamorous stranger.

Few hours later, there was a man sniffing, shuffling things around, growling, using swear words with every sneeze almost sounding like "Faaack....choo".. The tissues he used were piling up to make a "bean-bag" like structure. While inhalers, wrappers of medicines were also decorating the "yuck-y" structure.

For 3 days, I bore witness to this "unofficial emergency period" at home. Common cold had caused a disaster of epic proportions which made a stalwart, chivalrous, invincible macho-man into a giant-cry-baby. And the worst experience during the emergency period was that I was not supposed to laugh at the comical drama that was unfolding. Remember volcanic eruption? I would not have been surprised if he had made a "will" in that condition or if he believed that this was the way the world would end.

Medicines, some home-made soups, steam, sleep and not to forget, some cricket did help him get back all the powers of a warrior. We were done and dusted with traversing the stony journey of his first common cold in our married life. As I was getting things ready for the day, the next morning, he was gobbling up crunchy "dosays"..

Me: How I wish.. I could ban my man, when he is bowled by cold.

BH: In the end, I ruled and you were fooled.

PS: I know about Man-flu!

# BH # HE SAYS - SHE SAYS

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Stumped

Sahana Rao Sunday, February 26, 2012 110 Comments

Bunni completed 2 years this month. She has started making small sentences and some times she baby talks also. She surprises us with grammatically correct sentences sometimes. The things that come out of her mouth keep me laughing for a long while. So, now conversations are two-way Indian roads. I quote here some of those experiences. Ofcourse, I have translated those conversations from Kannada to English.

Bunni: Sahana! Fill water in this jar.

Me: You should not call elders by their name.

Bunni: Gunds! Fill water in this jar

Gunds – That is how her father calls me.

Lesson : Follow the rule

Bunni: Amma, my hands are dirty. Wash. Wash. Wash.

Me: Ok. Come lets wash. (washed)

Bunni: I want to wash it myself now.

Me: Ok. Let me help you.

Bunni: But my hands are not dirty.

Me: No.. Your hands are still dirty, wash.

Bunni: Amma! Then wash my hands properly this time!!

Lesson: You lie. You eat your own words

A guest gave Bunni a real big chocolate

Me: What should you say when you get a chocolate?

Bunni: One more!

There. Down the drain, went the "Thank you" lesson I gave her umpteen times!

Lesson : Ask and you shall receive. An answer at least.

Potty time.

Bunni: Amma, I got 1-2 shits. (She had just understood numbers and counting.)

Me: (Controlling my laughter) Ok. Come let me clean you.

Bunni: But, I want '9-10...a biiiiig faaat hen' number of shits. (From the 1-2 buckle my shoe rhyme)

Now! Where should I bring that many number of uuurrrggh.. whatever!!

Lesson: Aim for the moon.

I was telling her a story from panchatantra. One of the stories which she likes, is a story of a wolf and a sheep.

Me: The wolf said, "I am old. I cannot hunt. You are an easy prey. I will eat you". And what did the sheep say?

Bunni: Byaa Byaa Byaa Byaaa..

Lesson : Keep it simple silly

She loathes sleeping. Sometimes I call out for some non-existent uncle and complain about her loudly, when she does not sleep. That works. One night.

Me: Bunni.. Close your eyes and sleep.

Bunni: I don't want to.

Me: Hey Uncle.. Come here! Take Bunni away with you.

Bunni: Uncle.. Come.. Come soon.. Take me to play swing.. Amma.. you can also come with us..
That was totally unexpected.

Lesson : Face your problems

Luckily, I am unlearning life with this bundle of joy! Such spontaneous reactions, surprises.. make my life a celebration!

# Bunni # Motherhood

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Mother's love is the greatest. Really?

Sahana Rao Tuesday, February 21, 2012 71 Comments

Mother's love is irreplaceable, forever and unconditional. I agree. Which kind of love can be replaced? The love gotten from every loving person is unique. For example. Fathers love. Doesn't it comply to all the three words above? Ofcourse, there are exceptions in both cases.

All forms of love whatever form they may assume, require, or at any rate, expect, some equivalent or less for it in return in the shape of affection, happiness, or pleasure. Is mother an exception? In some cases yes, and in some cases no. Chastise me as a bad mother if you want, I really don't know how I would have reacted if my child had not showed its love, affection back. I expected that. Do I become selfish? Yes.

The way a mother loves a child and the way a father loves a child is completely different. The logic beats me when they are compared. It is something like saying air is superior to light in nature. Both are different, but essential forces of nature. Can any of one of them be replaced?

When someone says "Mother's love is great". I agree. Greatest? I don't. For the simple reason that it cannot be compared. Neither does any other form of love merit comparisons.

To compare, one must analyze. Do we really know the depth of the person's love? We just analyze the way we perceive. Some people express themselves very well and others don't. Does this innate quality of being an introvert make one a bad lover?

Mother has an advantage of sharing a natural bond during gestation. Then delivering in the most painful way known to the world. None of us can ever think of the intensity, the depth or the expanse of the love the soul has.

Some fathers cannot even relate themselves to the child as soon as it is born. It is not natural for them like mothers, it grows on them. They become a different person altogether. And then the saga begins. For others, it begins as soon as he knows he will be a father. But, the important point here is "The Saga Begins". A father loves his child, puts the child first amongst priorities sans the natural/physical bond. Remains an unsung hero.

When I was a small kid, people asked me if I liked my mother more or father. Without second thought, I would answer "Amma!". Appa was a strict disciplinarian. He spoke very little. When he spoke, it would be very brief, to the point and direct. Such conversations often made me feel he is emotionless.

Slowly, as I grew up, all those "little talkings" had a big impact in my life. Infact, they were huge turning points in my life. Then, I started understanding the creature called father. One day, I was married, I had to leave home, I realized I would miss him as much as my mother. After Bunni, I witnessed the birth of a father, I remained amazed by the transformation a man has to undergo to father a child. I loved my father even more.

To hail the greatness of one thing, we should not degrade the other. More importantly, lets not compare apples and oranges.

# MY TWO CENTS

Monday, January 30, 2012

Home Alone

Sahana Rao Monday, January 30, 2012 109 Comments

In any healthy relationship, sooner or later, often or rarely the soul inside you craves to be a lone wolf. One such time, I confessed to BH, that I needed sometime for myself and co-incidentally he had some work in Bengaluru the same week.

He left, and for the next few minutes

I danced around like a monkey, switched the music on to its maximum volume, threw a vessel down on the floor, *BANG*, (Thank God my neighbours were on a vacation!) I enjoyed such little freedoms :)

Day 1

Cleaned every nook and corner. Made our home dust-free.

Watched a horror-movie, which BH would NOT have allowed me to watch. Well, that night I heard weird sounds which made me check every room and every closet to make sure no one was lurking there. I slept with a thunderous heartbeat.

Day 2

Go hubby time. Come hobby time. Did water painting, and this is what I came up with. I am no professional. Use of colors make me happy.

Ofcourse, I read books.

Day 3

I was bored to death to cook for just myself. I cooked once in the morning, ate that in the afternoon and then again in the night. There was no-one to appreciate my cooking.

There was no cloth to pick-up from the sofa/bed/table/chair. No wet towels to dry. No 'remote' fights. No-one to peep into what I was reading.

Day 4

I was dull and feeling low despite good-books, clean home etc. Was I missing clothes lying around? small fights? Wet-towels? All these imperfections made my life worth living? And that is when I realized Being imperfect is just "perfect"!

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Pondering over these series of incidents threw light on a few thoughts which criss-crossed my mind.

We may have been born to be together for life, but what we should not forget is that we were born ALONE separately. So, when the basic penchant for solitude is rewarded, happiness ensues. How long? That depends. For me it was 2-3 days.

It is quite common in a relationship for anyone to give up a part of themselves to make a life together. As I have understood "giving space" and "leaving alone" are two different things. Giving space is "Being alone-together" and leaving alone is the absolute "alone". There maybe people who think differently.

An individual changes everyday. Sometimes, there is growth or decay which go unnoticed in the routine of day-to-day lives. Such changes which are a part of you now, need timely attention. Taking some time out to dream, create, re-invent, rejoice our-self will help us grow into individuals who we can recognize and be satisfied with.

So, whenever you need time for yourself. This is the Mantra.

Communicate. Unwind. Nurture.

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Day 5

And BH is back.

*Loud voice heard in the evening*

Tigers piss on the trees to mark their territory and you mark yours by strewing your clothes all around!

# BH # IT'S MY LIFE

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Girl you'll be a woman soon

Sahana Rao Wednesday, January 18, 2012 97 Comments

My aunt called me up last month and told me her apprehensions about some physical changes in her 6 year old daughter. I calmed her down. I said, sometimes it is just a sign of the far future. Then, yesterday, she called me again and told "that which should not have happened" has happened. She was sobbing. Yes. Her 6 year old daughter had attained puberty! Otherwise called Precocious Puberty or Early Puberty.

I was actually devastated by the news. I behaved like a hypocrite by putting up a brave face. I told her "This is an inevitable incident in any girl's life and had to happen sooner or later. Anyway, visit a gynaecologist once."

Later, my memory indexed to the same chapter of my life: Puberty

I was 12 years old. All of a sudden my body was on a growth-spree. There were some drastic changes physically. My face and hair started getting greasier. At one point in time, I had disowned my own body because of all those stupid changes. I was feeling weird. I was so conscious about my body. Though my mother had given me some lessons on menstruation, it took sometime for me to come to terms with those changes. I superficially understood what she said. Nevertheless. I was in a state to recognize menstruation only when my life decided to have a tête-à-tête with it.

One fine day, I realize that my body had started functioning on its own without asking my permission! I had all theoretical knowledge on menstruation such as how it would be accompanied by acute mental and physical discomfort, cramps, back ache, mood swings, irritability etc. But, when it actually happened, reality hit me in my face. It was horrific to accept that it is PERFECTLY normal to bleed for 4 or 5 days! I remember asking my mother whether this would continue in my sleep too...

All of a sudden the world around me looked different. I started identifying myself more with my mother. I had to accept that boys are different from girls. Till then, I would have fought till my last breath to prove that wrong. I cursed God for giving women this. I got my sex-education. Once friends started whispering about it, I felt more comforted by the fact that I wasn't alone.

So, there I stood transformed from a girl to a young woman.

Coming back, to my aunt's call. My heart cried for the kid. 6 year old kid, has to accept that bleeding is normal and if seen her friends would shout "shame shame puppy shame"? She has to bear all the pain, mood-swings, cramps and other discomforts associated with menstruation? Not just that, the physical changes would make her stand out in crowd. How much of emotional distress can a 6 year old child undergo?

Why does this happen? While many researchers opine that obesity,consumption of adulterated food, family related stress, genetic factors etc, may be few of the reasons why early puberty occurs, there is no comprehensively accepted research that has broken ground in this aspect.

I can suggest all theoretical plans to deal with such a situation like, telling your child it is perfectly normal and it is really OK to be so. Love thy body the way it is etc etc. Can I take the same things if Bunni is in that position? I fear not. A hypocrite I am, as of now. But sometimes situations give the necessary strength.

Fingers Crossed. Prayers.

# MY TWO CENTS

Ahamkaara

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Monday, January 30, 2012

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Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Girl you'll be a woman soon

SAHANA RAO

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