Ahamkaara: LAUGH TRACK

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Monday, December 12, 2011

Hither and Twitter

Sahana Rao Monday, December 12, 2011 54 Comments

This is a peek into another window of my world - Twitter. Selected tweets. My favorites. I thought, you may like a few of them.

Lying to your girl friend? Two results are possible. You are excused Or Your ex-cussed.
Love at first sight? Why not? If it is a big plot in a posh locality?

No point in accusing someone of being biased. Every human being on this earth is bi-assed.
What is 69? Inverted Kama?
My husband and I exactly opposite in every-way possible! Even when it comes to love, He loves me, and I love him!
Birth and Death are the only realities of life, All other incidents in-between are reel-ties.
Seasons of earth changes because of revolution. Seasons at home changes because of rotation of wife's brain :P
What is Loose motion? The condition in which waste disposal unit of the body disposes waste from both outlets in liquid state #Chemistry
Girls Beware! One inch addition to your perfect figure, you may end up losing curves. 36-25-36 are perfect squares!
Husband said you are my sweety pie.. I am wondering.. Can numbers be tasted? π (Pi) #Math #geeky
How I wish I was a serial killer.. There wouldn't have been mindless emotional drama running over thousands of episodes.
If Salman Khan is put in jail, the Khaidi number plate will be attached to his Chaddi! #Shirtless
A board outside the house read 'No Parking in front of the gate. If you are a loud-speaker, read the first sentence by flipping letter P'
Hope a spanner could fix all the loose, 'nuts'. #Pun
An orthodox mother said to her daughter "Do not low-wear your standards by wearing revealing clothes. "
My friend asked me, which day she should have sex to bear a baby boy. I said 'Son'day!
Yearly nerd catches the book-worm :-D
Most politicians will lose all their money when they bancorrupt #bankrupt
Deciding to work out or not, is your life and your weigh ;)
My cousin wanted to get a pencil from a stationery shop. I wonder, which shop moves from one place to another. (barring location shifts)
Love hurts? Obviously! When you 'FALL' in love, what do you expect?
How does one auto rickshaw driver help the other auto driver whose auto has run out of fuel?
He 'Toe's the other auto. #Bangalore (only people who have seen such a situation can understand. I think.)
Marriage stands if 'i mar rage' most of the time #Anagram
Wear helmet or be ready for a 'hell meet'
If you sit in an auto rickshaw, you are bound to receive an 'auto-prick-shock' caused by the protruding springs in the seat :D #Bangalore
Hubby watching the cricket match, explains 'test matches are real 'test' of patience and endurance. And I think 'whose?

All the above tweets are copywrited to @spicy_words.

You might have read one or two tweets. That is because, sometimes, when I comment on a post, that tweet-material would have flashed to me.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

War of words

Sahana Rao Tuesday, October 11, 2011 89 Comments

After a long time, it was one fateful day; I won the war-of-words with BH. He is extremely witty and hence funny most of the times. Winning the war-of-words with him is actually like winning a World level debate competition for me. And all happened on the same day!

Kissing the trophy and holding out the trophy in my hand, let me present you the 4 episodes which led me to the victory!

Step - 1

I was extremely upset with his joyful comment on a sensitive topic and then…

BH: Why do you take things seriously?

Me: I can’t be light hearted all the time.

BH: Oh yeah right.. Women after marriage become heavy, so does the heart..

Me: He he. Very funny

BH: LOL.. LOL.. Even you agreed when you laughed. You should have laughed saying ‘She-She’ why did you choose ‘He-He’?

Me: That’s because the joke was bad!

And the next - 2

He stopped as he walked past the mirror, smiled and..

BH: Don’t you think you are very lucky? Whenever, I see my reflection I feel that.

Me: Ahh! Stop using my eyes as mirror. You will forget the whole world!

Ahh almost there - 3

Rarely does he brag. But, this was one of the rarest of the times..

BH: People like me wherever I go. Everyone in college knew me. I had female fan following also. People came to me; in fact they still come to me with their problems, I could solve their problem just like that.

Me: Ok. Ok. Cool. Sit down. Go back to your memories of third standard science lessons. The earth revolves round the sun, not you!

Final Blow - 4

Back from office, after a hectic day, both of us had missed out on the days’ happenings. We switched on the news channel to know the news. And after few minutes,

BH: This paid media! Never give the exact news, they give their opinions. All of them are biased!

Me: Hmm.. I was just wondering.. Isn’t everyone bi-ass-ed?

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||SCREEN CLOSES|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

With ROARING Applause in the background, I humbly utter “Thank you, Thank you!”

# HE SAYS - SHE SAYS # LAUGH TRACK

Monday, July 4, 2011

Bunni - The Miss-Chief

Sahana Rao Monday, July 04, 2011 56 Comments

Bunni, just crossed her 16 month mark and she has become a source of hilarity. She will be awarded the 'miss-chief' for her activities. I love the way she thinks sometimes. :D Let me try to unveil some of the episodes.

In the midst of changing her dress, in that brief moment of being naked, she takes to her heels. She loves being in her birthday suit. ( Now, do not tell me that she has a bright future...)

Exactly after removing the diaper, she starts peeing and running all over the place. I should trace a skewed path all over the house to clean the soggy ground (Pee-vish behavior eh?)

There comes a day of ‘pain’ting at home. We got busy with the covering of furniture at home and she poured out the whole container of paint! Whoaw! I had to give her a bath for the second time that day. While mopping the floor to get rid of the spilled paint, she emptied the bucket full of water!!! Errr.. Painters were back on their task with a new can of paint and they were just done with the first coat, she rolled off the can of paint again in a spilt second!! Ran over the paint and all over the floor! GOD SAVE ME!

She finger paints the walls, her face and body when she finds “Colgate Gel” toothpaste in the store-room. (For that matter, any tube she finds will be used as a paint)

There was eerie silence at home, I run all around the house calling out for her. I skid on a floor turned pond. She comes out of the bathroom with a mug full of water, giggling away. She does not stop irrigating the floor for the next 15 minutes. Come what may (hem)!

She brings a plate from the kitchen cabinet. Places the plate in an uninhabited place. Stands over it. Poops! (Imagine the ‘palate’ of the person eating from a plate at home who knows about this incident ;))

She opened a green colored cough syrup on the couch, turned the bottle upside down, and made patterns over the white bedspread. (Teaching her mother to go-green..)

God save the accessories in the bathroom which are within her reach. They will have their final destination fixed: The Commode!

She tries on all the shoes in the closet and all clothes in the wardrobe which are cleanly arranged and organized. Result: Shoes, Slippers, Dress(es) strewn everywhere – MESS!

When she finds an opening, window etc, she loves to throw things out and watch how they fall. (What a curious kid I have..)

(She is throwing a pen down)

I load the washing machine in the morning with soiled clothes. Wait till she sleeps. (I don’t want her to see me power ‘operate’ these devices). I switch on the washing machine when the time is right. **TAN TAK TAN** comes an alarming sound. Shocked!. I switch off the power button. Open the door to find a sauce pan. (Her co-‘operation’ in loading :-D)

3 missing tumblers, 5 missing spoons from the kitchen cabinet: Found in the dustbin.

'Breaking' News: New jam bottle which was supposedly kept in a safe place found broken into pieces.

She squeals with delight and giggles at every opportunity, especially if caught devotedly emptying and re-emptying the packets of powder/grains in the kitchen cabinet. After doing that, she walks all over them. Gotcha! Foot-prints of my li'l monster. (check the picture below)

Kitchen Flour!

Rice grains all over

This is the measure we have taken to counter her prowls!

She does something wrong, she sees me giving her fierce looks, she gives a big smile, runs to me, hugs, and plants sloppy, sticky kisses all over my face. How my heart melts. Awwww..

My fierceness ends there.. Hugs and Kisses! :)

# Bunni # IT'S MY LIFE

Monday, June 20, 2011

Ki(n)dling

Sahana Rao Monday, June 20, 2011 41 Comments

My hubby’s cousin and family had come down from UAE. The family included my hubby’s cousin and two children. We had been to the airport to pick him up. On the way back I engaged a 4 year boy in the conversation. Here is a piece. (I should rather call a master-piece)

What is who?

Putta: is the 4 year kid. This is a nick name used in kannada to address a small boy.

Atte: is maama’s wife.

Maama: is maama :-D

Taata: any elderly man

-------------------------------------

Scene 1:

The kid was extraordinarily intelligent. His level of conversation had already illustrated that. I thought, “Let me kindle him”

Me: Putta... that is a bike! (I showed him a scooter)
Kid: Hmmm... What is that? (He was showing an auto)
Me: That is a bus.
Kid: Hmmm...
A bike zoomed by
Kid: Atte.. See.. the lorry is crossing speed limits!
Me: <Mouth zipped shut! >

Scene 2:

He saw a direction sign board. He turned towards me, patted my chin and asked.

“Atte… Look at that sign board, it shows upwards direction to go to a place; we will go to heaven like taata if we go up. Isn’t it?”

:-D Though, I laughed, I explained the reason to him. He did appear to be convinced.

Scene 3:

One of the tyres ran flat, so hubby changed that in 10 minutes (yusss yusss with my help) we resumed the drive.

Kid: We could not face any problem because you had one backup wheel for the car, isn’t it maama?
BH: Yes
Kid: Atte helped you while putting back the tyre.
BH: Yes. I did thank her in front of you.
Kid: Yes. But, What if atte dies? You also should have back up no? (Why didn’t he think about me? Boys are boys :D)
BH: I don’t have permission boss! ( Winking at me )

Scene 4:

On reaching home,

He suggested my ‘toothless’ grand-mother (who had come home to visit me) to drink horlicks. It seems she will get her teeth back!

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Now you know, who got kindled?

Update: I haven't got enough time with the permission seeker!

# Bangalore # BH

Thursday, May 19, 2011

7 Random FA(C)TS about MOI

Sahana Rao Thursday, May 19, 2011 13 Comments

As a new bee to the blogger community, I was glad when I was awarded "The Stylish Blogger Award" by Sakura. I accept it humbly and pass on the same to a few people whom I have been following with pleasure.

7 Random FA(C)TS about MOI

1) I am not scared of cockroaches, lizards or any other insects. I do not scream. [Yes, I don’t] I hold cockroach’s moustache [when it is alive and scuttling] and I throw it outside.[How I wish I could see the expression on your face now! :P] I do not prefer killing any of them.

2) I don't like hair falling in my face. However short my hair is, I will clip it up. So, anytime you can find at least 3 clips and 2 hair bands in my bag. [Now, Guys.. you know one of the contents of the secret ladies hand bag.]

3) I love my home to be spotlessly clean. When I see dirty places, I get an urge to clean up mess all by myself. [Cheers to my amazing self control.. Else, Bangalore would have been so clean a place! :D ]

4) I do not have stage fear. I do not fear recognition. I am daring. [What do you think? I have a (st)rong heart? ]

5) I cannot stand bad breath or body odour or even stinky feet. I cannot hide my disgust either. [Because I will almost puke! :D]

6) I match my ear-rings to my dress. I own at least “xxx” sets of ear-rings. [Street vendor says I am his lady luck.. He has turned into a luck-pati ever since I started buying.. Hubby dear.. Did you ask me yesterday about my zero balance in my salary account? :P ]

7) I do not have undying passion for anything. It is just that I am interested in something at some point in time, as time passes the interest fades. [“No No.. Do not read it as someone :P I am madly solely wholly in love with my husband before, now and in will be in future also”]

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I take this opportunity to talk about the awardees (of what I know from their blogs) on this awarding ceremony! Order is just alphabetical.

Nishana - http://princess-liya.blogspot.com/ - Nishana, One of my first followers. This lady has love for her daughter like an ocean. She is a treasure. All her articles have so much love in it. For every article I read my expression will be "Awwww.. that's cute".. Nishana,, Your daughter is very lucky to have you as her mother. I would award for your stylish love for your daughter.. It is a great honour for me to award you.

Prashanth - http://pacchiee.blogspot.com/ - Dr. Prashanth, the writings of this person is so fresh. He is socially responsible person. Modest. Love the style of writing. Especially, his kannada writings are of editorial quality. Stylish indeed. Prashanth, hope you will accept the award. (Prashanth, I would like to know, what kind of doctor are you? )

Ramya - http://ramya-chitrana.blogspot.com/ - Ramya, I came across her blog recently. I read all her posts. They are just awesome. She will make dull things look bright. Bring life and energy into her writings. I do not leave her post without a smile on my face. For the smiles, and for the style of writing - You deserve this award Ramya.

Sharadha - http://shwriteup.blogspot.com/ - I loved her blogs for the subtle humour. Her blogs are intellectually stimulating. Love the style of her writings. I enjoy her witty talks as well. (at office). It is a pleasure to award you BB. :)

Sujatha - http://www.sujathasathya.blogspot.com/ -
She is one super blogger. If you happen to see me when I reading your post, probably you will never miss my smile. All the posts in her blog make for some enjoyable reading. Her hold on the language is just extraordinary. Love her style of mincing words. Sujatha, Hope you will accept the award.

CONGRATULATIONS FRIENDS!
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OK people, if you did not know what is this award all about, even I did not know when I got. But, I googled the answer out and here it is,
If you are the recipient of the award

1. Thank the person who gave you the award and link back to them. [ Not necessary friends, I chose you because you deserved]

2. Tell seven things about yourself. [I would love to know them]

3. Pay it forward and award the Versatile Blogger to 15 recently discovered new bloggers. [I did not do this fully, It is up to you]

4. Contact everyone and let them know they've been awarded! [After I hit the publish post button, that is my next job]

# Award # LAUGH TRACK

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Peppy Tweets During WC Finals

Sahana Rao Saturday, May 14, 2011 13 Comments

It was fun watching the Cricket world cup finals. It was even better with twitter. Following some witty tweeters! I was almost rolling on the floor and laughing, I have picked some tweets which I loved the most. ENJOY MADI!

(Check out his eyes! :D)

@manuscrypts: Murali needs a pop up blocker for his eyes!

(Check out the PUN)

@ouchmytoe: Samsya Gambhir Hai. Samadhan Bhi Gambhir hi hai.

(This was for the Deepika Padukone's Advertisement of Nescafe! :-D - which was telecasted mainly during the world cup matches)

@Rima_B: No deepika…u can not pull off a shakira by gyrating like a tallbuilding experiencing anearthquake

(People who watched the toss drama.. And saw/heard Sangakkara's shouts.. )

@sidvee: Dear Sanga. Stop appealing for things that aren’t out. This is not the toss

(Dedicated to Saif Ali Khan's Lo(ve)us(l)y voice..)

@diogeneb: See some empty seats beside Saif. Understandable. Nobody can take a heavily nasal“Waaaaaw” every 5 seconds.

@shenoyn whatay louvely it would be if Mahela Jayawardhane’s wife is called Purusha Jayawardhane

(Dont "Leave" this! )
@daddy_san Maybe Sachin should’ve undertaken the Art of Leaving course by Sri Sri Lanka

(srivats has his wits)

@rameshsrivats The Incredible Game. In High Definition. – Dhoni Bravia.

( At the time of World cup Finals, this song had reached saturation levels! It was true for me at least... :P )

@AbithaAnandh: All of a sudden De ghuma ke is not irritating me anymore!

@Joydas: Dear Jihadis, I had Once seen Malinga draw a cartoon of the prophet.

@fakingnews: Bowler with a habitat on his head has returned.

(Another Rajanikanth Joke!)

@netcitizen
Sachin played so many years to win the world cup, Rajni watched the final and won the world cup ”

(After Bhajji Slapping Sreesanth and there was a forward which showed Sreesanth crying, Remember?)

@AbVan: ROFL! BHAJJI crying.. Sreesanth slapped?

(Congress Statement in the next day's newspaper)
@RMantri: It is Rajiv Gandhi’s vision from 1985 that delivered the World Cup to India

@AshuMittal: Sreesanth’s bad bowling spell is a lot like Sri Lanka’s anthem. Just when you think it’s about to end, it starts again

@mojorojo: MS Dhoni. First time an MS product has delivered without crashing. Ever.’

# Cricket # LAUGH TRACK

Monday, May 9, 2011

Realizations

Sahana Rao Monday, May 09, 2011 6 Comments

Some incidents, add humor to the daily mundane life. Here are two such incidents in the recent past.

INCIDENT 1

Me: I am not able to sleep! (Phat!! Hit on my face on an attempt to kill a mosquito) I just can't understand why do mosquitoes always buzz near my ears?

BH: (Rolling over, and pulling the blanket off his face) Because only ear can HEAR and other parts of the body can't!

Me: (**Rolling Eyes** and Laughing) Oh ya..

Question to self: Why didn't I think of this simple fact before?

INCIDENT 2

Me: When I was trying really hard to put the baby to sleep you were watching the BORING IPL match?
BH: Oh ya? I was helping you, once or twice a week, I won't do that also from now on.

Me: If that dumb game is so important to you, Why did you marry?

BH: (Devilish Little Grin) Everyone makes mistakes.

Me: Huh? Why the hell did you commit a mistake when you knew?

BH: (Devilish Wider Grin) Before marrying, how on earth will I know that it is a mistake?

Me: ?!!#??

**LAUGHTER CONTINUES ON BOTH SIDES**

Question to Self: We commit a mistake because we do not know that 'it IS a mistake'.Isn't it?

# BH # IT'S MY LIFE

Monday, March 21, 2011

Email Conversation

Sahana Rao Monday, March 21, 2011 0 Comments

Here is an excerpt of the threaded mail conversations between me and BH. (My husband)

I had drafted a mail for my colleague (P.G.) who wanted to invite the team for the team lunch. This lunch was planned on the occasion of a pretty girl’s send-off.

Finally, I have a mail from my friend who read our forwarded conversations.

Mail 1 : From P.G. to team

Dear all,

Let us take seats at “Gramin” for the Last lunch with <name-undisclosed>,

Munch away the delicacies,

with the “roopasi”!! ;)

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(For my blog readers Roopasi means “Apsare”, “Angel”)

Mail 2: From me to BH

Check out the punch ishtyle in the mail

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Mail 3: From BH to me

Lunch, Munch and Punch.

The author is you, is my hunch.

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Mail 4: From me to M

Rightly guessed my honeybunch J

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I had forwarded the mail to my friend, who replied like this.

Mail 5: From my friend to me and BH

Yes, your "hunch" is right...SR’s "honey bunch"!

I faced a vocabulary “crunch” as I needed Google to see what is “hunch”!

Thanks for this dose of “punch” lines, I felt as if I had a tasty dose of “brunch” at 11am.

# BH # LAUGH TRACK

Friday, March 11, 2011

Humor -0

Sahana Rao Friday, March 11, 2011 1 Comments

In a buffet lunch today, my veggie friend got skeptical about the salad she had put in her plate. And she asked the waiter to confirm that it was a veg dish.

Friend: What is this? (Holding out a reddish-white piece in her hand)

Waiter: Rabbit madam.

Friend: ??!!**%^#%!! (What questions must have run through her mind)

Waiter: Sorry Madam, it is Raa, Rabb, Radish…

Friend: 'O'

# LAUGH TRACK

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Bite on Tongue - 0

Sahana Rao Wednesday, February 16, 2011 3 Comments

Bunni learns saying “aane” (meaning elephant).. When we are going in the car, she saw a ganesha idol on the dashboard and exclaimed “aane”.. We were very happy that she was developing skill of relating things..

The next day, she called the plump house maid “aane”.. Eeeeks!!!!

We did not know how to react..

Mom somehow convinced the maid saying that the baby does not know how to utter “aunty”, she is uttering aane instead..

# Bunni # LAUGH TRACK

Ahamkaara

Monday, December 12, 2011

Hither and Twitter

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

War of words

Monday, July 4, 2011

Bunni - The Miss-Chief

Monday, June 20, 2011

Ki(n)dling

Thursday, May 19, 2011

7 Random FA(C)TS about MOI

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Peppy Tweets During WC Finals

Monday, May 9, 2011

Realizations

Monday, March 21, 2011

Email Conversation

Friday, March 11, 2011

Humor -0

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Bite on Tongue - 0

SAHANA RAO

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